My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
