Someone shit on the floor
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
as a side note pls kill me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
