she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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