i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Drunk is not a location!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize