Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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