If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
