im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
someone owes me an orgasm
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
