Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
