Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
