no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
