I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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