I'm lost and stupid without you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
