why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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