WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
