just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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