Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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