my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
