it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
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Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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