the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
