I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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