Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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