Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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