got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hippo gnu deer
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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