i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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