my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
