Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I supernannyed him into submission
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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