If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
