weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
