first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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