Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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