I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
