Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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