after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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