I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This beer is not sobering me up at all
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
