My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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