My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
