no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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