ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
