Taylor Swift is so right about you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
