my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
