dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
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Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
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I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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