I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
