That's when you crack a 10am beer
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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