why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
