waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
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