Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize