is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
