Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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