sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
