That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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