Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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