I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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