I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
