How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
