I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
