I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
