When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
