i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So squirting runs in the family.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
