Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
