fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
